Alphabetical Anthology
by Seosh
Summary: These are words that Christian struggle to say, so instead, he puts them down on paper. 26 Poems in 26 days. A count down to the FSD premiere. COMPLETE.
1. A - Adore

A – Adore

For all my life, to this moment in time,  
I knew only of what I had lost.  
Like my green car, I still yearn for it,  
there is something much more that I need to accost.

But the moment your eyes met mine,  
it was like a fire within me finally burred to life.  
A deep, visceral need sparked so bright,  
I didn't understand how I was led a strife.

The answer that I had sought so desperately for,  
so much, I never knew I could before.  
It was right in plain sight, in your honesty,  
your innocence. It is you, that I adore.


	2. B - Better

B – Better

Blinded by your ever bright light,  
I no longer fear the unknown.  
Rather, invigorated by your beauty,  
I am forever thankful you've given me you to own.

Because before you, with bravery at hand,  
my eyes were faulted to see.  
That beyond the present, the here and now,  
my life was worth more than what I let it be.

I am no longer bound by my past,  
bruised and battered no more.  
For all you have brought me, Ana,  
my life has never been better than before.


	3. C - Control

C – Control

I crave it. The power of control over all,  
over every single move, not an inch would I give.  
It is in this that I sought comfort,  
assured through never relenting any reprieve.

But I am wrong; I hadn't even realized my mistake,  
until you fell before me and knocked me off my seat.  
My perfect world inverted right then, because in that moment,  
I didn't know what was to come, definitely not defeat.

I crave it. The power of control,  
but there was more to it than just authority.  
With you, you taught me to surrender,  
and the moment I stopped, I finally found serenity. 


	4. D - Dreams

D – Dreams

With the claws of fear piercing into my skin,  
I jolt, crudely awake, drenching in sweat.  
Reality and the terrors blend so close together,  
It is a struggle to discern, all I can do is try not to fret.

The rhythm of my heartbeat continue to pound,  
stammering heavily, almost begging to get out.  
There is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,  
I have tried everything, believe me, there is no doubt.

So it is a surprise, with your warmth guarding me,  
the talons of the darkness daren't lurk in between.  
Because you, Ana, are the miracle elixir,  
the only one thing that can turn my nightmares into dreams.


	5. E - Emotion

E – Emotion

It was an indescribable emotion I couldn't quite place.  
It effervesced, encapsulated and engulfed me whole.  
Everything I knew, all that had anchored me vanished,  
it awoke something deep within my cold dark soul.

I struggled to understand why I could not part,  
to tear myself away from just outright staring.  
The longer I was held by your striking innocent eyes,  
my sense of reality became surprisingly reassuring.

It was not something I deterred to be honest,  
rather, it became something I longed for, savored.  
Thus in my vows that I still hold to this very day,  
I am forever yours, Ana, entirely enamored. 


	6. F - Freed

F – Freed

To a fine point, I conducted myself very precisely,  
all my decisions were carefully calculated then executed.  
It has taken more than just effort to get to where I am,  
it is a cruel game that I will not be persecuted.

Left and right, I knew before anyone did,  
it is how I moved about my life with such ease.  
I was empowered in this superior position,  
but never did I ever imagine it would all cease.

Your being forced me into unfamiliar territories,  
and the stable ground beneath my feet fell before me.  
Finally freed, I became your marionette,  
the high seat was yours; but only for you solely. 


	7. G - Grace

G – Grace

I remembered the times when she used to smile at me,  
played with me until she faded away depressed.  
Her glistened eyes dulled then dried along with my tears,  
she left me stranded as I cuddled into her chest.

My mother who I longed for disappeared,  
and crying in the cold I realized proved fruitless.  
So I stayed silent because I must have killed her,  
I knew then and there that my existence was useless.

For four grueling silent days and nights,  
there was only hunger, the cold and her ashen face.  
Darkness settled comfortably around me,  
And I gave up. Until I was saved by Grace.

My deprived world was brought back to its feet,  
the warmth I had lost guarded me all over.  
This lady in white lit up my doom destined life,  
I hadn't realized it then, but she was my four leaf clover.

 **Author's note:**

All of these poems have been about Ana so far. But, I felt not enough is ever said of Grace. Her importance in his life and her role seem greatly overlooked. However, if you would like me to write another 'G' for Ana, please let me know (perhaps you have a suggestion too) and I shall gladly oblige.

Ash.


	8. H - Home

H – Home

With my head thudding against the cold hard window,  
I sink further into my haze under the dull street lights.  
Exhaustion settles from long drawled out conversations,  
there is only one place I want to end my night.

Along the driveway the car rounds to a halt,  
I hobble out as the drag of the day begin to hurt.  
Naturally I find my way up to our room,  
and though in pitch black her silhouette is a great comfort.

As I slide myself under the sheets behind her,  
I bask in her scent, her touch and all that I call home.  
There is nothing quite like it in this world,  
her angelic entity that proves to me I am never alone.


	9. I - Inevitable

I – Inevitable

No matter how hard I had tried,  
to let you go and just walk away.  
There was something deep down in me,  
that drew me to you, night and day.

I came to realize we were inevitable,  
that you and I were of the same.  
Just like the day is to night,  
without each other would be inane.

My love for you is eternal,  
an instinctual need that I could not live without.  
So I promise to guard you forever within my arms,  
because to you I am infinitely devout.


	10. J - Joy

J – Joy

With my eyes closed I tilt my head to better hear,  
the sound of each note played to perfection.  
Like a breeze I could feel the levity of each key,  
as it took me up high with the gentle ascension.

The familiarity in the melody has me a step ahead,  
and I can't help my lips from this ridiculous smile.  
Because we have switched as I'm leant by the door,  
but you're focused and I stay hidden for a little while.

You've learnt well as you caress those tensed strings,  
ones that have healed and strung my heart.  
And to this day I am still astonished, awed by you,  
the joy you've brought me through mastering this art.

 **Author's Note:**

Slight AU, but I'd like to think in my head that Christian would've at some point shared his love of the piano with Ana.

(*cough* I did not write a one-off about this… *cough*)


	11. K - Keepsakes

K – Keepsakes

Through the years I have collected many,  
simple novel things that I held so dear.  
In times of need I looked to them for comfort,  
and they never failed to keep away my fears.

But there was one that I always kept with me,  
one that reminded me that you're always there.  
And when my son asked me 'why?' one sunny day,  
I was more than obliged, glad to share.

'You see, it holds more than just my keys,  
it is more than just the word 'yes'.  
It is the keeper, your beautiful mother,  
who gave me herself in the finest white dress.' 


	12. L - Light

L – Light

Like a flash of lightning out of the blue,  
you illuminated me and pulled me from my strife.  
Some would say it was a million in one chance,  
to be so lucky to have met the love of my life.

For my world was a barren dull land,  
one that had never seen the light.  
Yet the moment we touched it seemed,  
a kaleidoscope of color flooded my sight.

But it was more than just that,  
more than a lexicon of words could ever say.  
And it made me so happy when you told me,  
that it was in the silence that took your breath away.


	13. M - More

M – More

I had always found it difficult to articulate,  
to string together the right words to try and express.  
How do I describe something that means so much to me?  
But for you, I endeavored to try my best.

For every rainy day that left me feeling gloomy,  
it was your serene smile that turned it all around.  
For the long tiring days that left me weary,  
it was your laughter that made it impossible to stay down.

For all the times I was caught up at work,  
it was your voice that made me stop and head out the door.  
And most of all, it was your tender touch,  
that assured me why you will always be my more. 


	14. N - Necessity

N – Necessity

There are a few things in life that we all need,  
things that keep us breathing from day to day.  
Menial things that we don't think too much of,  
but nevertheless without, we'd all perish and decay.

It is of common knowledge of these physical needs,  
like the air that enters and expands our lungs,  
the nourishment that replenishes our wading energy,  
or the water that keeps our skin smooth and young.

But I never realize the needs of my soul until you, Ana.  
Because for every breath you take, I feel more alive,  
for every kiss you place on my lips, my heart beats,  
and for your vow to never leave me is how I survive.


	15. O - Old

O – Old

It has been so many years that has passed,  
since the very first day you fell before me.  
And even though we have grown much older,  
your beauty and elegance is still the best it could ever be.

With our fingers entwined, you turned your gaze toward me,  
it seemed only yesterday when we walked along this street.  
The very same one that I had saved you from,  
but failed to realize it was you who swept me off my feet.

Oh, how our lives have panned out,  
it was almost a fairy tale that we were once told.  
And though we went through all that we did,  
you were my one and only, together until grey and old.


	16. P - Priceless

P – Priceless

Money had driven my life for so long,  
for I never wanted to be deprived ever again.  
I had surrounded myself with the best of luxury,  
to fill my emptiness and hide my pain.

I didn't understand what I was missing,  
or why everything felt meaningless within.  
But like a key, you fitted just perfectly,  
you opened me right up and entered in.

An epiphany hit me right then and there,  
I finally realized what I needed was priceless.  
It was the overflowing unconditional love,  
that could only ever exist between the two of us. 


	17. Q - Quietude

Q – Quietude

I knew my behavior was plain pathetic,  
when you first told me I just couldn't believe it.  
I never once thought that I could ever be a father,  
it was a role I didn't think I'd ever fit.

To come home to your anger was a firm wake-up call,  
and I was just as disgusted with my own behavior too.  
You were carrying my child, a part of me,  
and though I was scared I knew I had to get back to you.

Every day that you slept beside me, safe once more,  
I made a promise to take care of you in the quietude.  
There was nothing that could ever stop me,  
not even when you woke at midnight and craved for strange foods.


	18. R - Rope

R – Rope

You were always a curious creature,  
keen to learn about everything and anything.  
It was a pleasure to teach you of course,  
as I found your dexterous fingers rather intriguing.

As you looped and tugged along with that little smile,  
I watched the rope tighten and secure around my wrists.  
There was no fear of giving you the control,  
and I loved how you always finished it with an ardent kiss.

Of course we used your rope prowess for more,  
our adventures together on the Grace proved it so.  
Though it was a dangerous skill for you to own,  
because the simplest of knots had me ready to go. 


	19. S - Silk

S – Silk

I loved it when you wore those silk robes,  
it was always a treat for my eyes to feast upon.  
And like the sexy temptress you were,  
to your sensuous body, I couldn't help but be drawn.

The smoothness of the material silhouetted your body,  
and exposed every singly subtle detail that hid beneath.  
You may as well have been stark naked,  
my desire was blatant and you would tease me, 'just breath'.

So I listened and watched you slightly release the sash,  
then sauntered my way with that deliberate sway of your hips.  
You knew exactly what you were doing baby,  
but your taunt would come to an end as you succumbed to my lips.

*Let your imagination run free…


	20. T - Thanksgiving

T – Thanksgiving

As per usual you could never hold your drink well,  
and it doesn't help that my family has plied you all night.  
But I loved it when you let your inhibitions go,  
that joyous smile that has made my world so bright.

Teddy's already sound asleep in his bed, I made sure,  
and now all that was left to deal with was you.  
My favorite part was the words you mumbled incoherently,  
you had no filter so I knew it was all true.

Finally, with your tired body tucked under the sheets,  
I sat enthralled and watched as you drifted quietly.  
"Thank you, Ana." I leant down and kissed your blushed cheek,  
you nodded ever so slightly and I knew you'd heard me.


	21. U - Underwear

U – Underwear

The sun has risen as I glanced toward the window,  
you were no longer beside me but I could hear you clearly.  
As you appeared out of the bathroom unaware,  
I watched you try your best to sneak around quietly.

Faced down, I had the opportunity to linger,  
as you took your long sweet time to dry, naked.  
I can't help my immediate natural response.  
How could I not? With your body so sacred.

Alas you turned and I am caught quite outright,  
you bid me a good morning and it definitely was.  
I eyed you hungrily as you pulled on my underwear,  
then you smirked, because you knew exactly what that does. 

Author's Note:

Died a thousand times over today – not sure if I'm currently alive. The premiere… Dakota… Jamie…. has annihilated me through and through and I have no idea how I can wait the 5 days until I can see the movie!

Interesting to find out, when are you all seeing the movie? 


	22. V - Voluptuous

V – Voluptuous

I won't lie that I was loving it immensely,  
each day that passed I indulged as your body grew.  
The slight changes were definitely noticeable,  
and though I loved it I couldn't say you did too.

Your apprehension was beyond palpable,  
and the loose clothes you wore couldn't fool me.  
Regardless, I could still see the swell of your breasts,  
and against the light, the lines of your voluptuous body.

I knew I had to reassure you when you started to hide,  
and I made it my mission to prove it to you that night.  
As I caressed every inch of your pregnant body with my lips,  
I told you the honest truth, 'you were a magnificent sight'.


	23. W - Wanda

W – Wanda

The things I did for you, you would never know,  
but it was the reason why I'd travelled so far to find.  
It hadn't escaped my notice when you eyed that photo,  
and ever since then I couldn't quite get it off my mind.

It would be our tenth anniversary together soon,  
so it made perfect sense to hunt it down.  
And though it was difficult I managed to find her,  
the pale blue beetle that the owner promised was sound.

I made sure every single inch of it was fixed up to standard,  
and I was brimming with excitement when it came time to reveal.  
The moment your eyes lit up at the sight of your Wanda,  
it was worth all the effort and I hopped in as you took the wheel.


	24. X - XX

X – XX (Daughter)

She was so delicate and fragile within my arms,  
I was afraid to move more than was necessary.  
Naturally her tiny fingers clung around my thumb,  
and I could feel her heart beat strong and heavy.

Warmth coursed through my entire body,  
as I inhaled in her unique but familiar scent.  
I loved it because she smelled just like you, Ana,  
and to have both of you was heaven sent.

When finally, I was blessed with the sight of her eyes,  
she gazed at me just like the way you always do.  
Tears fell and tumbled as I cradled her close,  
I wanted to hold her forever because she was a mini you. 


	25. Y - You

Y – You

In my world there was just me, myself and I,  
for so long that was what dictated my mind.  
I had to protect myself, for who else would?  
It seemed nothing good ever came out of being kind.

But you taught me the rewards of selflessness,  
to give and expect nothing in return.  
You opened my eyes to a whole new vibrant world,  
one that, when you left, I yearned.

I knew then that there was more to life than just I,  
it was you that I craved, needed in order to feel alive.  
You were the one who righted all my wrongs,  
and with you I knew I would never ever feel deprived.


	26. Z - Zeal

Z – Zeal

Ana, you've reached the final letter,  
and I wished I could be there right beside you.  
It has taken me years to pen down these words,  
in hope they would bring you comfort when you feel blue.

But know I've watched over you every single day since,  
that you're never alone because you still held my heart.  
We'll be together once again for this I am sure,  
for nothing in this universe could ever keep us apart.

I still love you Ana and I miss you ever so,  
a part of me in the form of you has left me empty and cold.  
But I knew I was blessed to have had you,  
for our story was the most zealous that love has ever told.

Author's Note:

It is less than an hour until the movie starts! Thank you all who have counted down with me for the past 26 days. I hope you all enjoyed reading these as much as I did writing them.

xoxo


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